Looking Back on !gnite

How was !gnite for you?  For me, this conference definitely was a spiritual milestone in my Christian journey.  As the conference progressed, God truly set me free from the bondages of "religion" that had bound me up for much of my life and really showed me what the Gospel is all about:

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During the three days of !gnite prayer gatherings before the conference, God started to stir expectancy in my heart that this conference was going to be special.  I could feel the excitement in the air and the buzz around the church that God was going to move at this conference. The Holy Spirit was giving me a hunger for something more, for a new vision of His plan for my life.

By first day of !gnite, I was pumped.  Sitting in the sanctuary the first night with the CSMP team, I turned around during the countdown just to soak in what was happening: the CSMP team sending "waves" from the front of the church to the back, !gnite flashlights shining across rows, buzzing of chatter, and expectation for God to move...
"FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!  YEAAAAH"

The lights went down as the AWESOME !gnite promo video began.  Then, the light show by CSMP started (I loved that ripple part! ). The energy was intense and emotions were running high.  I felt ready for God to meet me.  I thought I was ready.  But something was off.

As the fast-paced songs began to play, I began to sing and clap. I thought that I was going to feel God's presence, but as I kept on singing, nothing happened.   The dryness of my worship quickly became apparent to me.  Naively, I assumed that I wasn't feeling God's presence because I wasn't worshiping "hard" enough.  I need to muster up more spiritual intensity. However, after the first few songs, I began to realize that God was not in my worship, even though I was putting all my effort into "worshiping" him.  I just felt the emotions, but I didn't feel God. 

Bitterness and disappointment quickly started to set in.  "God, I prayed for this conference, and I prayed that you would meet me here, but I don't feel your presence.  I'm trying to feel your presence but I can't.  I'm singing the songs, but my heart's not in it."  I pretty much let negativity rule my thinking as I eventually sat back down.


During Pastor Ben's sermon about unity among the HMCC churches, I really wasn't able to focus completely on what he was saying.  Familiar doubts from the past began to flood into my mind and disillusionment settled in.  A spiritual battle had begun: 

"God, why am I here at this conference?  God, do you even want me to be here?  Is your word even true?  Why do I even believe in God? "

As these doubts attacked my faith,  I began to cry out to God. 

During my time of prayer, God quickly revealed to me at I could not worship God unless he helped me.  This really shattered my prior conceptions of worship.  I always thought that worship was all about ME trying to please God, but I realized that worship is all about HIM.  To even exalt his name, I needed his help.  I realized that I can't even worship God from my heart unless he helps me.

After I admitted to God that I needed his help to worship, God really met me powerfully.  For the rest of the conference, Jesus truly set me free from anxieties of the past as I began to believe that God loves me unconditionally.  I always knew in my head that God loves me, but it only made sense in my heart by the end of the conference.  I finally realized and believed that I had nothing to fear because Jesus was with me and he was never going to leave me or condemn me. 

Looking back, I understand now that God uprooted a deep-seated religiosity and works mentality that had been growing in my heart.  God was breaking my justification-by-works type of thinking and showed me my need for him.

I thank God for his gospel, and now I can truly say that it is POWERFUL!

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile." - Romans 1:16

Thoughts on Belief vs. Faith

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Heb 11:1)

What are your ism's?  Everyone subscribes to some set of beliefs about God and the world, and we all have theories about why things are the way the are.  In philosophical terms, these worldviews that we choose are called isms.   Although everyone chooses to believe something about the world, no one is completely sure that their beliefs are 100% correct.   Humanly speaking, it impossible to be completely certain about anything.  My beliefs about a subject are usually only one of many different sets of beliefs or opinions that a person can hold on that topic.  So we see that beliefs are relative, and not necessarily true for everyone. 

Beliefs can change if a new piece of evidence comes up.  Today, if I see a puddle in my driveway, I might believe that it rained yesterday.  However, if I later hear from my dad that he washed his truck in the driveway today, I would throw away my hypothesis and instead believe that the puddle came from the carwash.  Thus, a person can never be completely sure that their beliefs are totally correct.  He chooses to adhere to that belief because he feels it explains the world around him most accurately.  So, it makes sense to always have a bit of "healthy skepticism" about any "ism" we follow 


Faith, on the other hand, is infinitely more certain than mere belief.  There is no "fuzziness" in faith.  Faith is not subject to evidence or anything that we see with our eyes.  Faith sees what God sees, not what people see.  So when the whole world is falling apart around us, we can start feeling afraid of the future or doubt God's love for us, or we ask God to help us see what God sees.  Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is being "certain," being "sure" of the things which we can't see or things that will happen in the future.  This certainty about God and about our futures can only come from God himself.

Belief is passive, but faith is active.  True faith can never stand still because faith is always followed by action. If you really have faith in something, you will not be sitting still or silent.  For example, if I genuinely have faith that the chair beside me can hold me up, I will be willing to sit on the chair.  So if I have faith that Jesus is the only way to God, then I can't stay silent about who Jesus is.  My faith in the Gospel message compels me to live a life that pleases God and that makes Jesus known to others.  Faith pushes us to a decision, to action.  However, when we refuse to have faith and instead settle for belief, we restrict God from working in our life.

There are many examples in the Bible that show the clear difference between faith and belief.  Peter stepped out of the boat in faith, not just because he had a belief that Jesus was walking on water.  All the disciples believed that it was Jesus on the water, but only Peter stepped out in faith.  The woman with the issue of blood touched the hem of Jesus' garment in faith, not in mere belief in Jesus could heal her.  There were many sick people around Jesus, but only this women stretched out her hand in faith, being sure that Jesus would heal her.

One final thought is that belief and faith are very related.  I think that belief can actually turn into faith, and here's my theory:  Belief can only become faith when God is added to the equation.  God's power becomes the catalyst needed to convert belief into faith instantaneously.

Today, I realized that my relationship with God begins to feel dry when my faith in God, that active, present trust in His gospel, is converted into mere belief in God, the mental assent that God's word is true.  Even though I still believe that God's word is true, I am not actually putting my faith into action by meditating on it or applying it to my life. When my faith dries up or I allow doubts to uproot my faith in God, I can no longer trust God with all certainty or believe His word without doubting.

When God is left out of the equation, then the "reaction" above goes from right to left and my faith will becomes mere belief.  However, if I start depending on God again and abiding in Him, the reaction goes in the way it needs to, from left to right.  Thankfully, I can trust God to give me more faith when I ask him for more, since He is the "Pioneer and Perfecter" of my faith (Hebrews 12:2).