Yesterday, it was a little tough for me after getting one of my philosophy paper grades back. I didn't do as well as I hoped, and I began to feel a little frustrated with myself. This grade seemed to be symbolic of what has been happening to me this term at times, where I've been having a hard time remembering what my focus is in life and what my priorities are. I seem to struggle with doing things that once were so natural to me, things like doing well in classes without trying too hard or just being motivated to get stuff done.
Why do I keep doing things that pull me back? Why do I keep "shooting
myself in the foot" with unwise decisions that I know are not what God
wants me to do? Sometimes, just being focused or remembering what
motivates me has been hard. When I lose that focus, I end up making
decisions that I regret, or doing things that waste time that should
have been used for much more urgent things.
Maybe God is showing me that I'm not that great (haha...something I need to remember). God is showing me that I have to try harder now, and I can't just think that I can coast through college and the rest of my life, like I did in high school. Coasting is not an option anymore for my academic life.
This seems to be an applicable lesson for me in all areas of life too. God never meant our lives to be "just going through the motions" or doing some routine that has no passion. God made us to live passionate lives, but we need to have the resolve to embrace that passion. Each day a decision needs to be made: "I will seize the day." I'm realizing now that life was not meant to be lived passively. A passive life is not worth living. God made us with passions, just like He has passions. God made us to find that ultimate satisfaction and motivation in serving him, and I'm hoping that he'll teach me more of this as I continue this journey of life.
I'm committing to being more purposeful each day and remind myself about the high calling that Christ has given me to follow him wholeheartedly. Thankfully, like a brother of mine said, "His mercies are new every morning". All the sins and mistakes of yesterday are gone. He has tossed them into the depths of the ocean, and he has removed them from me as far as the east is from the west. I'm thankful for this grace of God that keeps me clean though I don't deserve it!
