22 "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. "
This semester has been really different for me. Academically, things have been harder than I expected. I've been seeing old struggles resurfacing again, and old insecurities trying to pull me back to square one. But in the midst of the struggles and seeming lack of spiritual clarity, God has still been there with me, helping me to see that I need Him more than I thought. After today's message from Bob Roberts about what it means to live out the Great Commission as a global church, I've been seeing how much I need to grow in just trusting the Lord and how He is refining me this semester, showing me my need for self-discipline and accountability with Him and others. One thing that I've especially been thinking about this semester is my need for a stronger faith, one that is no longer based on the need for physical evidence that He is real or that His word is true.
For most of my Christian experience I've depended on different types of physical or human evidences to confirm my faith in the Bible and Jesus. Things like the extrabiblical evidences of Jesus' divinity, death, and resurrection. Things like scientific "evidences" showing that the universe is beautifully and precisely crafted (i.e. these snowflakes look designed, don't you think? ). Things like the prophetic nature of the Bible and its accurate predictions about the coming of the Savior (aka the "Messiah"...see here). And I still look at these things as significant anchor points in my faith when the storms of doubt and intellectual questions come rushing in. But I think I can go deeper in faith than this.
Recently, I've been yearning for a deeper faith, a faith that no longer needs the "training wheels" of physical evidence or that "certainty" based on evidence. Sometimes I feel limited because I don't really know what faith is supposed to be based upon. Is belief based on evidence not necessarily true faith anymore? When will I just trust God even when the evidence is not there, even when the things He says are not "rational" in my understanding?
These questions have been challenging me. I need to know why I believe. One passage of the Bible that has encouraged me was one in Genesis concerning the faith of Abram. When God calls Abram to leave his family and familiar surroundings to go to the "promised land," what made Abraham move? Would I have moved when God told me? I think I would definitely need more evidence that it was God talking to me, and not my imagination. Would I "hear and obey" as Pastor Bob Roberts talked about today at our HMCC Missions Week gathering, or would I just think it through rationally, and reason with God?
When I look at Abraham, I see a man who believed that God spoke to him, and he was so convinced. Hebrews 11:1 says faith itself is certainty and assurance. But how? How can faith be THAT strong? These are questions I hope to explore in the coming weeks, but please keep me in prayer if you could. I have *faith* that you will ;).
Although I'm not sure how faith and evidence relate to each other, there's one thing I do know. God doesn't mind giving us evidence to believe (just think about Gideon in Judges 6:17 and doubting Thomas). And he has mercy on skeptics and intellectuals.
When will I just BELIEVE finally? Why do I keep doubting whether He really cares, or if He is there? How many times does God need to show himself to me before I will finally admit that He is there, and really release myself completely to him? When will I finally jump off the edge, leaving my insecurities behind, free falling right into His arms of security and strength?
God, show me that You are really there for me. Shatter anything in me that is holding me back from seeing you in my life.
***Note: I just want to clarify one possible misconception you might be having after reading this entry. I do think that evidence is important and that Christianity has definite support scientifically and historically/archeologically. However, I believe that at a certain point, each intellectually-inclined Christian has to be weaned from a constant need for evidence and finally learn to stand on their own two feet with a stronger Christ-based (rather than evidence-based) faith. I think God is bringing me through this stage right now.
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I need that same faith that Peter had to step out of the boat I'm in, and I know that the Author and Perfecter of my faith is calling my name. Do you hear Him calling your name too?
